I'll find you
by purplelogicwriter
Summary: This was written for my friend Julia. She wanted to see: Something set before the letter writer and possibly in place of it, Rusty's mom come back, and Sharon struggle to find her way. With all of that in mind this is what happened.
1. Chapter 1

**These characters belong to James Duff, Major Crimes, and other parties who don't include me…unfortunately.**

**A/n: I've really enjoyed writing this one, and I know it's become a monster of a fic but I just couldn't stop myself. This was written for my friend Julia. She wanted to see: Something set before the letter writer and possibly in place of it, Rusty's mom come back, and Sharon struggle to find her way. With all of that in mind this is what happened. I hope you enjoy and I can't wait to hear what you think.**

**Warning: Throughout this story there are mentions of abuse, some slight language, and violence. If these things will in some way upset or offend you then please don't continue to read. **

He was sitting at the table watching Sharon move around the kitchen. She wasn't acting normal; for starters she had pulled food out of the fridge and put it back about five times. Then, she kept opening cabinets and closing them without taking anything out. Last night she had come in late, and she didn't come to his room to say good night. He had thought she actually threw something in her room, but he wasn't sure. Now watching her was making him nervous. Sharon didn't act like this ever.

He knew Sharon better than anyone. He knew what her facial expressions were and what they meant. He knew the way she moved her hands to her pockets for comfort when she was unsure. He knew what it meant when she sat on the couch and hugged a pillow to her chest. He knew the way she looked at him was the same way she looked at her _real _children. Most importantly he knew she was organized and deliberate, and she was acting anything but right now.

"Sharon," she stopped and spun to look at him, "do you want _me_ to make breakfast?" She just looked around the kitchen and then looked back at him shaking her head.

"I think I'll just pick something up on my way," she said walking out of the kitchen. She was gone to her room again. Rusty couldn't figure out what had happened. When he talked to her yesterday afternoon she was fine. They were wrapping up their case, and she seemed…happy…for lack of a better word.

The front door opened and closed and then the house was silent. _'Shit she's gone,' he thought._ She never left without making sure he ate, or was going to eat.

What the hell did he do, and why was she acting crazy?

* * *

><p>Sharon Raydor came whirling into the office without so much as a glance sideways at her team. Usually it was "Good morning everyone," or "what do we know?" Today though, she went straight into her office, closed the door, and then shut the blinds. The team looked at each other. Provenza had seen that look on all of his ex-wives' faces, and he knew better than to go in that room right now. "Finish up your reports," he grumbled to the team.<p>

He would never tell anyone that Sharon Raydor was his friend, but he and that woman had been through a lot together. The kid, Rusty, had been the thing that changed their relationship into a _friendship_. Maybe something had happened to the kid. Now he did want to walk through that door and find out…no he didn't.

Looking across at his partner, he wanted to smack him upside the head. Flynn was just staring at the door. That man had it bad, and no matter how hard he tried Provenza couldn't get him to get over it.

* * *

><p>She sat in her office clutching a picture of her and Rusty to her chest. She should have just taken the day off, or maybe she should have gone to the gym and punched something until her anger was gone. Last night when she threw that pillow across the room it had felt good. She was not one to throw things, or hit things…ever, but it felt good in that instance. She clutched the picture tighter. <em>'What am I going to do?' she thought.<em>

* * *

><p>Rusty came walking into the murder room at lunchtime. Most of the squad were gone, but Provenza and Flynn were there. Provenza was doing a crossword, and Andy was on the phone to someone. When he was noticed both men nodded to him and Provenza stood leading him back out into the hallway. "What happened?" Provenza wanted to know.<p>

"I don't know… I was going to ask you if something went wrong on the case or something." Rusty said.

Provenza just shook his head. That didn't make Rusty feel any better. So Rusty said, "I'm going to take her to lunch. I'll, uh, let you know." Provenza nodded.

It was weird their relationship was one that Rusty was most thankful for. He didn't think that before he met Sharon he would ever have people that really cared about him, but the team did; Sharon did most of all. Provenza was like a father or maybe a grandfather to him. He was always helping him realize what the right decisions were, and he was always showing him how to do things; like tie his tie.

They walked back into the murder room, and Flynn was off the phone now just sitting there. Rusty said hi on his way to Sharon's office. He knocked and then cracked the door looking in. Her back was to him and she slowly spun around still holding the picture to her chest. He wondered which picture it was and glanced around her office. It was the picture of the two of them. It was missing from the shelf by the window. He knew her office inside and out. He had spent hours in there hiding, doing schoolwork, and trying to prove that he was worth keeping around.

She smiled that soft smile at him that he loved so much. He smiled back and said, "I was wondering if you could go to lunch with me…like if you don't have a case or whatever?"

"I would love that." She spun around putting the picture back in its place. Then, she stood and grabbed her purse, leading the way out of the office. _'This will be fun…not,' he thought._ He shrugged to the Lieutenants and followed her to the elevators.

They sat at the diner they both loved, in their booth; she was looking at the menu even though he knew she would order her usual. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out looking at the screen. It was a number he didn't recognize. He silenced it and slid it back in his pocket. Sharon looked at him with a questioning look, and he said, "Weird number." She nodded, but something on her face said she knew who it was. He didn't know how she would know, but maybe that's why she was acting strange.

The waitress took their order and when she was gone Rusty said, "Sharon," she moved her hands to her lap, "Did I do something wrong?" He was running memories through his head, but nothing jumped out at him.

* * *

><p>She knew why Rusty had wanted to go to lunch with her, but she didn't know what to say. All she knew was she was just grateful to have a few more minutes with him. Then, he asked if he had done something wrong, and her heart broke. This boy was always so ready to jump to the conclusion he had done something wrong. He was so insecure, and she knew that wasn't his fault. His mother had done that to him, and Daniel had done that to him. Hell all those horrible men on the street had done that to him.<p>

"No honey, you did nothing wrong," she finally said. The look of instant relief on his face was priceless. She had worked so hard the past few years to make sure that he never had to doubt himself with her, and now she was failing him.

"Then can you tell me what is going on with you? Please."

She folded her napkin in her lap, and then looked at him again. "I…uh…" she cleared her throat and then she schooled her voice to the cool, calm, and collected Captain's voice, "Cynthia called me last night, your mother is back, and she filed for custody this morning." She studied his face for a reaction, but to her surprise he just stared back at her. Then his face dropped. She thought he would be happy about this; all he had ever wanted was for his mother to come back for him.

"She…is here?"

"She is," she said calmly. The waitress brought the food, and that was a welcomed distraction for Sharon, but she knew she wasn't going to be able to eat. Rusty just stared at the waitress while she asked if they needed anything else. Sharon said, "No we are all set. Thank you." The waitress scooted off to the next table, and there they were again just the two of them.

Finally Rusty said, "Custody? She filed for custody?" He paused. "I haven't even seen her how can she file for custody?"

"Cynthia said they have been in contact for a few weeks. When she called last night she said your mother had the papers ready to file. I checked, and she did file them." That phone call had just about killed her, when she heard the words she had wanted to vomit. Her worst fears had been confirmed. If Sharon Beck got Rusty back it wouldn't be long before he fell back into his old patterns, and that thought stuck in her chest like a knife. He shouldn't be put back in that situation, she knew it and Cynthia knew it, but there was little she could do about it at the moment.

"She's been h-here a few weeks?"

She nodded, "She needed to do things to prove she was a fit parent."

"Fit?" Sharon didn't have any words to answer him that time. "My school…my friends…you…" he was mumbling, but she heard every word. He was thinking of the things he would lose.

"Rusty," she waited for him to look at her, "I will fight if you want me to fight. But if you want to go with her…" her voice cracked and she struggled to finish the sentence, "If you want to go with her, I won't stop you. I will respect your decision…it is your decision."

"Sharon, can we go?" His eyes were watery, and she understood. She nodded, pulled out her purse, and left money on the table. She stood up and tugged at his arm when he didn't move.

In the car, he couldn't hold the tears back though. She didn't know what exactly these tears were about, but they hurt anyway. She rubbed his shoulder while he looked out the window sniffling, he shrugged her hand off, it was always a careful line she had to toe with him when it came to contact; she was crossing it apparently. She recalled her hand to her lap and then moved to start the car. She had been prepared for the excited Rusty. She had seen the day his mother was supposed to arrive on the bus, and that's what she expected. She had not been prepared for this Rusty, or the hurt he was feeling.

'_God help me,' she thought_.

As she pulled into the parking garage next to Rusty's car she looked at him. He wasn't crying anymore, but she was still worried that he hadn't said anything else. "Rusty," she started.

"Not now Sharon," he interrupted pulling the door handle, "how long will you be?"

"Not long, we don't have a case," she said. When he got out of the car, and she pulled into her parking spot. She went to walk back to his car, but he was already pulling out of the garage.

She did not want to go back upstairs, but she needed to sign the paperwork she had avoided all morning. Then, God willing she would be on her way home to figure out what the next move was going to be.

…

The Captain walked back into the office too soon and without Rusty. Provenza had been counting on the kid to figure out what the hell was going on. Before she could disappear again he said, "Captain, you're back early. Where's Rusty?"

"He went home," she said in her very schooled voice that he hated. This woman could make him angry quicker than anyone else.

"O-k-a-y." He wanted to say much more than that, but he didn't want to at the same time.

Sharon approached him, and she sat down in Amy's vacant chair. He knew nothing good was going to come of this. She said, "I might as well tell you now. Sharon Beck is back, and she filed for custody this morning. I just told him."

"What!?" He couldn't help himself. "When did she get here?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I found out last night."

"She won't win, you know _we_ can win this." He had a file on Sharon Beck in his drawer that was thicker than Flynn's IA file. He had known that one day he was going to need the leverage, and he had collected all sorts of information about the woman.

"I know, but I don't know if he wants me to fight." Her eyes looked glassy, and he knew that statement meant more than just the words. That's what the real issue was.

"Sharon, the kid loves you. You gave him the home he never had. He won't want to lose that."

"It's his mother. We all know how he feels about her," she said practically rolling her eyes.

"He might feel that way still, but you have a spot right beside her in his mind now. He might not know how to show it, but he does love you. You want me to talk to him?" he asked.

"I'm not sure yet, but thank you. I'm just going to sign off on the reports on my desk, and then I'm going to head home. You call me if we catch a case." She gave him that pointed look that said this was over for now. She stood and headed to her office.

Sharon Beck. He should have known.

* * *

><p>Rusty was in his room when she got home, and for that she was grateful. She had hoped he wouldn't run off and do something stupid. She kicked off her heels, threw her keys down in the bowl, and headed to the kitchen. She put the teakettle on the stove and started digging for hot chocolate for him and tea for her. It had been a while since she had made him hot chocolate. After all the mess with Daniel Dunn it had been their thing when things got tough. Hot chocolate on the couch, and then ice cream later. She checked the freezer, and there was enough. She smiled to herself. The kettle started to hiss, and she went to remove it. She heard his door open and his bare feet padding down the hall. She wasn't going to have to coax him out of his room, and she took that as a good sign.<p>

She took a deep breath before turning around to watch him round the corner into the kitchen. "Hey," she said.

"Hey, is that hot chocolate?" he asked.

"It is." He smiled, moved to grab his mug from her, and then he headed to the couch. It was such a natural routine now; she really didn't know what she would do without him here. He was sitting on his side of the couch watching and waiting for her to sit too. She went to her side and pulled her legs up to sit facing him. They drank in a comfortable silence for a minute, and then he set his cup on the coffee table.

"Have you talked to my mom?" he asked.

"No, not yet. I, um, thought you should talk to her first."

"Did Cynthia say she was…better?" He liked to refer to her addiction as a sickness. She could understand that given her history with Jack. She had told her kids so many times that their dad was just sick right now. It was easier than admitting the real truth about what was going on.

"Cynthia said that she looked healthy yes, but she will have to be tested given her history. But yes she seems to be better." She tried to give him a reassuring look.

Rusty was playing with a loose thread on one of the throw pillows, and his eyes were pointed down. After another long silence he said, "I want to see her, if that's ok?"

Sharon did her best to keep her face neutral; she had known it was going to happen regardless, "Of course. I can arrange that for you, but…and don't get mad at me because you know this is a law and not one of my _rules._ The first visit will have to be supervised. It doesn't have to be me, but someone will have to be there."

"I know Sharon. I know you aren't like trying to monitor me or whatever, but Sharon, I…uh…I don't know if you should be there at the beginning." He was calm, but his face betrayed him. He was nervous, and she knew he was trying very hard not to hurt her feelings. She could appreciate that he was being kind.

"Whatever you need from me. I'm on your side. I'm always on your side," she said it very carefully just like she had when the Mr. Dunn situation had presented itself, but she wanted to make sure he knew it. When she was sure he did she took another drink.

"Sharon, what happens if…" he was on the verge of tears again, and he started speaking so quick that she couldn't stop him in time, before he had to say the words, "she leaves again? Or what if we move somewhere and she just drops me off one day and never comes back."

She put her free hand over his, and he tensed up but she didn't care. He needed to hear and feel that she was telling him the truth. "Remember what I told you when we made our very first deal." She smiled at him, "I will always know you." She let that sink in before continuing, "It doesn't matter if you are down the street, or half way around the world I will come for you. If you need me, I will come for you, Rusty, I will always be there, and I will always find you."

He chuckled, "Whether I like it or not?"

"That's right buster." There was sense of relief coming over him, she could see it; he relaxed and finished up his hot chocolate with a little grin on his face.

* * *

><p>He didn't know how Sharon did it, but she always made him feel better even when things were as shitty as they could be. They drank their hot chocolate, and ate all the ice cream, but the funny part was that Sharon told him stories from her past. They were funny too. Not many people got to see the fun side of her. He would miss that if he went to live with his mom. He would miss a lot of things, but things used to be good with his mother too. A long time ago, but they were good.<p>

/

The next day he was sitting across from his mother in a restaurant for dinner. Sharon always kept her word, and she had arranged for them to have dinner. He had brought Lieutenant Flynn with him because he figured that out of everyone on the team he would be the most understanding. He had been an alcoholic, and he was a good guy now. Rusty just wanted this to be simple with no judgment. He didn't know if that was possible, but this was his best shot.

"So tell me about school, shouldn't you be graduating soon," his mother said.

"I am going to graduate late. I kind of missed a year of school."

"I see." He didn't think she really did though. She didn't know anything about what that year had been like for him. "Which school are you going to?"

"St. Joseph's I really like it there." He really didn't want to talk about this with her. He wanted to know where the hell she had been!

"Catholic school? Are you Catholic now?"

"No, but it's a good school, and you don't have to be Catholic to go there."

"Captain Raydor's idea I'm sure," she said with a smirk. He didn't want to talk about Sharon with her. Sharon had been good to him. He had thought that things would be easier, but it all felt forced and unfamiliar.

Silence fell over the table again.

"When did you get back to LA?" he asked her.

"A little over a month ago. I needed to find a place to live, and get a job before I found you though. I wanted you to see how good I was doing, and I wanted to be ready to get you back. You know the courts have all these restrictions."

He knew all about restrictions. "What kind of job?" he asked avoiding her last sentence.

"I'm working at a hotel. At the front desk."

He looked at Andy who was just drinking his water and looking around the restaurant. Rusty was beginning to think this was a bad idea. Luckily their food came, and it was easier to just eat. There was some more meaningless conversation, and then she said, "I called to see when we might go to court, and a date opened up, Cynthia said she can probably get us in that spot. So you could be back with me in a week maybe two. Exciting isn't it?"

Flynn butted in, "Do you plan on staying in LA or are you going somewhere else?" That was a good question.

"I figured we could stay here until we save up enough money, and then go somewhere else. Start over fresh. Do you have a job Rusty?"

"No, Sharon said that I should just focus on school right now."

"How do you pay for things then?"

"Sharon gives me money for what I need, and I help out around the house and stuff. Where would we go if we didn't live in LA?" Panic was starting to set in and he shifted in his seat.

"I don't know Reno, Seattle, or anywhere really. You can go to school anywhere." His mother's face wasn't telling him much. She wasn't showing any emotion, and that bothered him. She had always been an emotional wreck before and this new side of her was confusing him.

"You know he is a witness in a murder trial, and you wouldn't be able to leave until that was over," Flynn said.

She nodded her head, "I've been wondering about that. How did you even become a witness?"

This was definitely not a subject he wanted to talk about right now. He pushed his plate away; suddenly he wasn't hungry at all. In fact, the food was making him feel more and more sick to his stomach. "I don't think I can discuss the details before the trial." Flynn nodded in agreement when she looked at him, and that made him feel better. Flynn was on his side too.

The waiter wanted to know if they wanted dessert, and Rusty just shook his head no. Flynn looked at his watch and then looked at Rusty. Finally his mom said, "Tomorrow after school I want to take you somewhere. Would that be ok with you?"

"I don't know, I need to check with Sharon. I'll…uh call you ok?"

"Sure, just let me know."

When his mom didn't reach for the check Rusty grabbed it and paid with the money Sharon had given him. "_Just in case," Sharon had said._ He shook his head, she always knew, and she always had to be right. They walked out to the parking lot. Flynn was already walking to the car to give them a minute. His mother was just standing there. He had expected her to try to hug him, or something. He wanted that more than he wanted to admit, but she just said, "Call me tomorrow and let me know." Then, she walked to her car leaving him standing there while she drove away. _'It's not the same he told himself. She isn't gone again.'_ He just stood there until Flynn walked up behind him saying his name.

He was so thankful they had gone to a restaurant near the condo, and the car ride was short. Andy didn't say anything until they were in the elevator. "You know kid, it's tough knowing what to say to your family when you know your addiction and your actions ruined everything. I've been there." All Rusty could do was nod his head. Before they exited the elevator he said, "Thanks for taking me." Then, he headed for the condo. He went straight to his room. He could hear Sharon and Andy at the door, but he couldn't make out the words. A few minutes later he heard the door shut and Sharon flipped the lock.

It was an hour later when Sharon knocked on his door. "Yeah," he said.

"I just wanted to say good night."

There was that look again. The look reserved for him. The look that said everything was going to be ok.

"Good night Sharon." He wasn't ready to talk, and he knew she would understand. As she closed the door he felt like he needed to say something, but it could wait. Sharon would be there tomorrow. So would his mother…for now.


	2. Chapter 2

She was back to driving him to school. Sharon had said, "It would make me feel better if you would let me drop you off just for today." He didn't know what she thought was going to happen, whether she thought he was going to run away or his mom was just going to kidnap him, but he had learned that some battles weren't worth the fight. She would've won the fight anyway.

"Fine, but don't send patrol to get me."

"One of us will be here when you get out," she responded. By "us" she meant the team, and he was good with that so he agreed.

They were almost there and he was running out of time to ask about going with his mom. He wasn't sure he really wanted to go, but he wanted to know what she wanted to show him. But he still hadn't told Sharon what happened at dinner, and she hadn't asked. She was giving him space in that area of his life at least. He figured it would be best just to ask and be done with it before it was too late.

"My mom wants to take me to see something after school, but she wouldn't tell me what. I told her that I needed to ask you first, and that I would call her to let her know." He realized that was more of a statement than a question so he added, "What do you think?"

"I would like to know where you are going rather than just know it's a surprise, but she will have to clear it with DCFS. They have to approve unsupervised visits like that."

So they were back to the rules, and she was back to not telling him what she really thought about things. "Alright, I will tell her that." They pulled up to the school, but before he got out he said, "If you aren't busy, and like if you can, could you be the one to pick me up?"

She smiled at him. Good…at least she could smile still. He knew this was a weird situation, and he felt like either way someone was going to get hurt. "I will be here," she said. He knew she never broke her word.

"Thanks, see you later." With that he was out of the car and hurrying into the building so he wouldn't be late.

* * *

><p>They had caught a case, and it was a welcomed distraction. The murder board was full of pictures and documents. It gave her something to pretend to be studying, even if it had been a pretty obvious case and hopefully they would make a deal and be done with all of this tonight. Sikes and Sanchez were out getting their suspect. Provenza was interviewing a witness with Tao. Buzz was in electronics. That left her and Andy alone in the murder room. So far he had been resisting the urge to talk to her about anything really, but she had caught him opening his mouth to speak but turning away instead…multiple times. Finally he moved to stand beside her.<p>

"Did the kid talk to you about last night?" he asked.

"Not really. He said she wanted to take him somewhere today after school."

"He did good…that's good, but if you want my opinion. It didn't go too well."

"Why? What happened?" Rusty hadn't told her anything, and he had stayed in his room last night, a clear sign that things weren't so great, but she knew that he would talk to her eventually.

"The conversation was forced the whole way through dinner, but that's not what I was talking about. In the parking lot, when we were leaving, I gave them some distance. You know to make things easier." She felt a knot rising in her throat when he paused. "She didn't hug the kid, she never even touched him or anything, she just kept her distance. If you ask me, a mother who wants their kid back, and doesn't hug them hello or goodbye is odd. Yeah she messed up, but she didn't even try. When she walked away and left him standing there, he looked lost. He didn't move. I literally had to go back and get him."

She understood what he was saying. Something was off, but neither of them knew what.

She didn't really respond to him other than a hum of acknowledgement. Then he said, "You letting him go with her today?"

"I didn't say yes or no. I just told him she would need to clear it with DCFS to take him out alone. I can't tell him no because he will resent me, even though it seemed like he didn't want to go when he asked. But on the same note I can't say yes because I don't trust her, and I don't want him to go."

"Maybe we could tip off Cynthia that something is off," he said.

"I don't know. I want him to be able to make his own choice." There had been enough choices taken away from him. She would just guide him the best she could. She looked at her watch. She needed to be leaving soon to go get him. "I need to go pick him up. Can you make sure things are taken care of here? I will be back in time to interview the suspect."

"You know if you want to take the rest of the day off or a few days we can handle things here."

"I know you can, but you also know I can't just leave in the middle of a case." She smiled at him and said, "Last thing I need is the Chief all over this case wondering why I'm not here."

"True, but this one kind of solved itself. Call me if you change your mind."

* * *

><p>He walked out to the parking lot, and there she was in the front row. She must have gotten there really early to get that spot. He couldn't help but smile. Then, he wondered if his mother would have done that, but before he could finish the thought Sharon looked up. She was just watching him. It was weird that sometimes he felt like he had been with Sharon for much longer than was true. It was easier after the first few weeks, and now it just felt natural. He crossed the parking lot at a brisk pace, and jumped in the passenger seat.<p>

"How was your day?" she asked.

"It was ok, Sister Margaret let me skip out on mass to help her move some stuff, but Sister Agatha gave us double the normal homework."

"What kind of homework?"

"Physics. Like I am ever going to need to know the difference in all of Newton's Laws or whatever."

She started laughing, like her real laugh. He hadn't heard it in a while.

"Yeah…I know it's ridiculous," he said with a smirk.

She smiled and started the car, and then she carefully backed up. As they pulled away from the school he felt the impending pressure of the next conversation. He just wanted to get it over with, "I texted my mom and told her that she needed to clear things with Cynthia if she didn't want anyone else tagging along."

"What did she say?"

"She said that it might have to be tomorrow instead." He tried not to show how that made him feel, but he knew Sharon saw right through it. It wasn't that she had left him again or anything, but she was already changing their plans.

Instead of questioning it or making an accusation she just said, "Let me know."

He stared out the window lost in thought. When they got close to the station his phone buzzed. It was a text: _Cynthia said okay. I will pick you up in an hour._ Now he was confused. She had told him that it would be tomorrow, and that is what he had just told Sharon. It was as if she knew because Sharon said, "Your mom?"

"Yeah she said Cynthia cleared it, and she would pick me up in an hour…why did she change her mind?" Sharon didn't even blink. That scared him. He hated that he was forcing her to keep her mask on. She was the Captain right now, like she had been in the beginning. He wondered what she was really thinking.

"Do you want to go still? Because you have all the control here," she said. Those words hit him with all the meaning he thought they were intended to have. She was unsure…hell he was unsure. He knew she didn't really want him to go, but she wasn't going to tell him no. He turned back to look out the window because he found her gaze too hard to keep.

"I do, but I don't."

She nodded.

He texted her back saying _I will be at the police station._ Then it hit him, '_shit they are going to meet.' _He wasn't sure how that would go over, but he wasn't optimistic.

"I'm going to go. I need to know what she wants." Again all Sharon did was nod.

* * *

><p>She had just made it back with Rusty and walked into the murder room. Julio and Amy were back. That was a good sign. She sent Rusty off to his cubicle, got a brief on the progress, and then excused herself to place a phone call to Cynthia. Sharon Beck would have to let Cynthia know where she was taking Rusty, and frankly she just wanted to make sure permission really was given.<p>

Cynthia had given her permission, and said that she was taking him to a theater downtown. Ms. Beck had a friend who was in a production of a play Sharon had never heard of. Sharon found that precarious. Ms. Beck didn't seem like the type to have a theater friend, and why had she said it might be tomorrow instead.

She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that no matter where they went together that it wouldn't turn out well. Now she just needed to know if Rusty wanted her there when he was picked up. If he didn't then she would go interview the suspect herself instead of sending someone else to do it.

Provenza knocked and walked through her door. "Captain, the suspect is in the interview room, if you are ready I will get everyone into electronics."

"I just need two minutes, I need to ask Rusty something." He nodded and walked back to his desk.

She walked around the backside of what was now known as "his" cubicle in order to avoid the rest of the team. She cleared her throat to announce her presence. He turned to look at her with a questioning look. "I wanted to ask you…before things go one way or the other." She hesitated because suddenly she realized the position that she would be putting him in, but she wanted this to be as easy on him as possible. If he wasn't ready for her to meet his mother she would respect his wishes for now. "When your mom picks you up, I can be interviewing my suspect if you want, or I can have the Lieutenants do it."

He tilted his head down a little, and she watched as he started picking at his pants leg. "If _you_ need to that would be ok. You can meet her another time." His eyes never met hers when he raised his head. Her heart ached for him.

"Ok that's what I will be doing then. Let Lieutenant Provenza know when she gets here," he nodded his response. She turned to walk out, but stopped and said, "And call me if you need me…I mean it." She didn't want a repeat of showing up at home and unexpectedly finding him after something horrible happened.

He smiled, "I will." She turned again, but he stopped her, "Sharon, I…uh…had to pay for the dinner last night, and I really don't know if she…I have like 10 dollars left though, and I was going to give it back to you," he was back to staring at the ground not knowing how to ask. Money had always been an issue with him. He felt like he was a burden to her, and she tried to explain it to him that he wasn't, but it always came up. She stopped him before he had to say anything else, "I will be right back."

She walked back to her office, and grabbed some money out of her wallet then returned to him. She handed him the money, "Call me if you need me," she said again. He stood up and took the money. His face was a little flushed. "I will and um, thank you Sharon." She couldn't say anything else to him because there was a lump the size of a boulder in her throat. She had wanted to hug him, but resisted the urge. She left him and headed to Provenza to inform him of Sharon Beck's impending presence.

* * *

><p>Louie Provenza was many things, but one thing he was not was naïve. Something just didn't sit right with him about this whole Sharon Beck situation. Watching from electronics he thought the Captain looked like she was ready to punch this suspect in the face. The more he denied everything they already knew, the more serious her tone got. The tone wasn't even meant for him. She was miserable. She was right back to where she had been when she had thought that Daniel Dunn would take Rusty. Something had been off about that situation too.<p>

He knew that she probably shouldn't be the one in there doing the interview to begin with. But he knew she was staying out of sight for Rusty's sake though. The fact that Flynn was sitting next to her just made it all the more worse. If he was truly honest though it was sort of entertaining to watch.

There was a knock on the door and Rusty pushed it open surveying the crowd. His eyes locked with Provenza's and then he waved for him. Provenza stood and went out into the hallway. Sharon Beck was standing near the Captain's office. He took in the sight. She was slim, blonde, and a little fidgety. She looked like she at least a decent place to live based on her clothes and appearance.

Rusty said, "Sharon told me to let you know when I left."

Provenza knew all about the plan, but he had also argued with the Captain. He didn't think this was a good idea, but she said it was Rusty's choice.

"Alright, call someone if you need to," he said with a stern look.

Rusty just nodded his head. Sharon hadn't told him to say that, but he thought it was a good idea anyway. Provenza put his hand on the boy's shoulder and led him to her. Provenza extended his hand and said, "I'm Lieutenant Provenza."

She returned the gesture, "Sharon Beck."

"Rusty says you're taking him out for a surprise of some sort." He wanted more information.

"I am. I think he will really enjoy it." Her face was set with no emotion, and Provenza thought that she looked a little too unhappy. She was getting to take her son out, she should be happier.

"What time do you think you will be back? He has school tomorrow, and the Captain just wanted to know what time to expect him." Another thing that she hadn't asked him to ask, but it seemed reasonable enough. The kid was fidgeting, but what did he think that he was just going to waltz off with no questions asked.

"Oh…Probably around nine." She looked at her watch. "We should probably get going, good to meet you Lieutenant," she said shaking his hand again.

"Have fun Rusty," he said as they walked down the hallway. Rusty turned back to look at him, and Provenza couldn't determine what his look was saying. He just hoped everything turned out ok for the kid's sake. He walked back into electronics to check on the progress with the suspect.

* * *

><p>Sharon had gotten her man to confess, they had made the deal, and he was off to his cell. The feeling usually gave her much more satisfaction. She signed off on the reports, and was putting them in a folder when there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she said. It was Andy and he had that cute little smile on his face, and she wondered to herself why she even noticed it. "We are all going to go get a drink. Do you want to join us?" It was a nice gesture, and she understood that they were trying to cheer her up, but she was in no mood. She shook her head, "I want to be there when he gets home. Rain check?"<p>

"Of course." He spun to leave but shot her one more smile, "See you tomorrow Captain."

"Good night Lieutenant."

He closed the door behind him, and she saw the little headshake he did in Provenza's direction. That brought a smile to her mouth. The lieutenant who hated her guts for years was concerned. They really had come a long way. She watched as her team left. They were cracking jokes at Julio's expense, and she wished she could've heard what they were saying. When she was sure they were down the elevator she grabbed her purse and jacket, switched off the lights, and headed home.

* * *

><p>Rusty was sitting in the car while his mother ran inside some building not far from where he had spent that horrible year on the streets. A shiver went up his spine, and suddenly he found himself wanting to be back with Sharon at the condo. His mother had picked him up and they had spent some time driving around. She said they were killing time, and then she wanted to take him by her apartment. It was an ok building, but there was only one bedroom. It wasn't as nice as Sharon's house, but it was better than any place he had ever lived with his mom before. She seemed proud to show it to him, and he was glad she was doing well. He really was, but there was a part of him that was still very hurt that she had left him. She finally came back to the car, and he asked, "Who lives here?"<p>

"Just a friend from work. She borrowed money and wanted to pay me back."

Rusty found it hard to believe his mother would lend anyone money, but maybe she really had changed. They drove in an awkward silence for a little bit. Finally he broke it, "Why did you come back?" It wasn't the real question that he wanted to ask, but it was all he could manage.

"I realized I needed to get clean, and I needed my little boy back."

"I'm not a little kid anymore," he said with a tone before adding, "you left me though. How do I know you won't leave me again?"

He could see her grip tighten on the steering wheel and there was a look in her eyes that he didn't recognize. She wasn't mad, angry or upset; it was something else. She looked at the clock and changed the subject. "We should make it just in time."

He scowled at the fact that she did not answer his question. "Where are we going? I don't like not knowing where I am going."

"To a theater. My friend is in it, and he invited us to come and see him act," she said.

"A theater. A friend. Who is he?" Now Rusty was furious. They were going to see one of her boyfriends, and he was an _actor._

"You're really going to like him. He isn't like any of the guys I brought home before, and he is really interested in meeting you. I've told him all about you."

"You don't even know anything about me anymore!" He didn't mean to start yelling, but this was turning into another situation where it was all about her.

"Rusty just do this for me please. We don't have to stay the whole time." She was pleading with him, and he found it sort of pathetic. She was supposed to be the mom and he was supposed to be the child, not the other way around.

"Fine, but I need to be home early I have homework and school tomorrow."

She didn't say anything, and it was in that moment that he missed Sharon more. She would never make him go into a situation like this. She wouldn't be worried about what some man was going to say because she didn't show up. Sharon knew how to be alone and how to be independent, but she also knew how to love and hold people close to her.

* * *

><p>She sat on the couch with a throw pillow hugged to her chest. She didn't even get up to get a glass of wine. Her phone sat on the coffee table taunting her every minute. She hadn't heard anything from Rusty and that was a good sign she hoped. She knew that he could take care of himself, but it didn't make it any easier. She was a mother. She may not be his biological mother, but she worries about him like a mother worries about her children. Rusty was special, and he came with certain challenges, but she loved him.<p>

Rusty shied away from physical contact, and Sharon never tried to force it upon him but she would give him a hug tonight when he got home. She looked at the clock on the wall and then at her wrist. She just shook her head when she didn't like either time.

* * *

><p>The play was starting, and he could tell from the time they had entered the theater this was a very low budget place. It wasn't like the theaters that Sharon had taken him to, no more like dragged him to. She had told him that she was expanding his culture base or something, and he thought that was dumb at the time, but now he thought it wasn't so dumb. This theater smelled bad, and the stage was very small. He watched his mother's face as the curtain was drawn, and she had a giant grin. It wasn't the sick smile he had become accustomed to, but it was the smile from a time before him. Maybe it was the smile that led to the "infectious laugh" Daniel had talked about. She turned and said, "There he is."<p>

Rusty turned his attention back to the stage, and he instantly felt the bile rise into his throat. He froze, sweat started forming, and he felt as though he was going to be sick. He wanted to run, but he couldn't make his legs move. There was a knot in his throat that prevented him from speaking. His mom's attention was completely focused on the stage. She had no idea what kind of man she was interested in. He closed his eyes telling himself to breathe. He just needed to regain control again. After a few minutes he had his composure, and he leaned over to his mom saying, "I want to leave."

She looked disappointed and said, "Just a few more minutes wait until intermission. Then we can say hi."

"No mom I want to leave." His voice was raised slightly and that drew a look from someone in a nearby seat, but he didn't care. He needed to get out of there. He stood and headed for the door. As he paced around the lobby he pulled out his phone. He wanted to call Sharon, but then he shook his head, she would be upset if he called. Plus she might still be at work and she would have to leave. He knew that she would though. That was the difference. She would be here as soon as humanly possible, and his mother was still sitting in her seat. He decided to text her instead.

_Hey Sharon you still at work?_

He held his phone in his hand instead of putting it away. She would be worried about him and would respond quickly. He watched the doors and there was still no sign of his mom. His phone buzzed, _No. At home. Everything ok?_

_I think so. Getting ready to leave._

_You think?_

Great he hadn't really been paying attention, and he slipped. There was still no sign of his mother when other people started to file out for the intermission. Who knew crappy plays even had an intermission. He texted Sharon one more time before heading back to find his mother, _Yeah I'll see you soon. _As he entered the theater he saw his mother to the side of the stage talking to him. There was absolutely no way he was going to walk down there. "Mom, let's go," he yelled down to her. She turned to look at him, and then back to the man. The man looked at him and Rusty didn't like it at all. A few seconds later, she was walking towards him, and she walked right past him and out into the parking lot.

In the car her demeanor changed. She was mad at him. "Why couldn't you just sit through the rest of the play?" she practically yelled and then added, "For me?"

"Because it was dumb. How do you even know that guy?" he questioned.

"I met him at an AA meeting. What does it matter?"

Rusty wasn't ready to tell her about that part of his life. He didn't know how she would react, and he didn't want her to run away again, or he didn't want to be the reason she started to drink or do drugs again. He didn't want her to leave him again. He just shook his head in frustration.

"I don't understand what is wrong here, I thought I was doing something nice for you," she finally said.

"That's the problem you don't understand."

His words brought silence to the car. He was harsher than he wanted to be with her, but he couldn't help it. He felt his phone go off. He knew it would be Sharon. He didn't want to look at it. As they pulled up to the building he was ready to run from the car, but as he opened the door his mother grabbed his arm saying, "You've got to give me another chance, and you know you weren't always so easy to be around either. I am just asking for a second chance." He looked into her eyes, and her eyes were betraying her words. He knew when people wanted something from him, and she wanted something from him.

He got out of the car, "You mean a third chance." He slammed the door behind him running into the building.

* * *

><p>She was sitting at the table when he came through the door like a tornado. She was doing her best to act as though everything was fine. She had her tea in front of her and a case file to the side. He all but slammed the door when he came into the condo. She heard him throw his bag down and he kicked off his shoes. Then, she heard the bathroom door close and the shower come on. That was never a good sign; he was probably covering up the fact that he was crying. She decided to move to the couch. She closed the file giving up the pretense that she was working, and turned on the TV. She was watching some lame movie she didn't even know the title of when he finally emerged from his room forty-five minutes later. She shut off the TV as he slumped down onto the couch. She decided to set her cup down not trusting her hands.<p>

"So what was the big surprise?" she asked trying to keep the conversation light. His eyes slid to her, and she realized that might not have been the best question to ask.

"We went to see some stupid play, but it wasn't like the plays that you took me to. It was much worse."

Call it mother's intuition or whatever you will, but she knew that no stupid play could bring the look to his face that was there now. Something else had happened. "Just a bad storyline or what?"

"It just wasn't a nice place."

She hummed more to herself than to him, and then she picked up her cup and took a sip. She decided to wait him out.

* * *

><p>He wanted to talk, but he didn't know how to start. Now Sharon was just sitting there looking into the distance waiting for him to find the words. He watched her expressions. She had started out tensed up like she was prepared for bad news, but now she was just waiting patiently with a caring look. He scooted a little closer to her, and that turned her attention back to him. "Sharon…I need to know that I am talking to Sharon, <em>my<em> Sharon, and not Captain Raydor." He watched as she drew in a sharp breath and tried to cover it up with a small cough, and clearing her throat.

"Ok I am just _your _Sharon. I am whatever you need me to be." She gave him a small smile when she said "your Sharon" and that made him warm up inside.

"You promise?"

She set her hand on his, "I promise."

He knew that she wouldn't break a promise to him. Now was the hard part. He had trusted her for a long time, and he knew he would always be able to. The only thing he didn't know was where to start. She sensed his hesitation so she started, "Is this about something that happened with your mom tonight?"

That was all he needed, "Yeah…I mean kind of. It's that play that she took me to." He pulled his hand away and felt like he needed to get up but he just shifted where he sat. "But before I tell you about that we should talk about the dinner the other night." Sharon just tilted her head in encouragement. "It was weird. I knew it would be different, but Sharon she didn't have any true facial expressions. She didn't touch my hand when I was talking to her like you just did; she didn't even hug me goodbye. I mean you just…" he couldn't help it, he got up and started pacing behind the couch. Sharon had turned to watch him.

He continued, "Something seems wrong with her, like she doesn't really want to be here. I don't really care if she hugs me, or whatever but I still think something is wrong that she isn't telling me. She hasn't really told me anything at all! Then tonight, do you know why we went to that stupid play to begin with?" He stopped pacing and looked right at her.

"Cynthia said she wanted to take you to a play her friend was in."

"Yeah," he came and sat down beside her again, "well her friend is an asshole. He, uh, I like know him and he is not a good guy. She is either dating him or wants to date him and said she met him in AA, but Sharon that is…just a really bad idea, and I don't…"

She interrupted him, "Rusty slow down for just a minute. Take a breath." He was breathing heavily, and she put her hand on his back. "Ok now what happened at that theater?"

"Nothing happened really. I saw him on the stage, and I froze, then I ran out into the lobby. I told her that I wanted to go, but she wouldn't go. She wanted to talk to him at the intermission. She j-just wouldn't leave."

He was feeling light headed and maybe a little sick to his stomach. Sharon was rubbing his back, and that seemed to help a little bit. She was looking at him carefully without giving too much away, and he just wished that she would tell him what she was thinking right then. She opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed it and did something unexpected she just hugged him. She didn't say anything, she didn't need him to say anything, she just knew what he needed. This wasn't the first time she had hugged him, but something felt different about this one; it felt like she needed it just as much as he did. He hugged her back, and let his head rest in the crook of her neck. This is what he had wanted from his mother, but she hadn't done it. After a little bit he felt much calmer, and he figured Sharon knew that because she pulled back moving her hands to his face. She rubbed her thumb across his cheek and said, "Did you eat when you were out with your mother?"

He shook his head no. "Let's make some dinner, and you can tell me what you guys did before the theater," she shrugged adding, "or whatever you want to talk about."

He knew she had made that last statement all casually and what not, but she wanted to know what else they had done. She stood up pulling his hand for him to follow. They moved around the kitchen working as a team while he told her about seeing his mom's apartment and the other stops that they made. Sharon had seemed less than impressed with his descriptions, but she smiled and nodded putting in input every once in a while. He was relieved when they sat down to eat and she didn't ask if he was going to see his mom again. He was glad because he didn't have an answer. He wanted to, but it was complicated. He needed time to think; time to get things straight in his head. But she had filed for custody and he didn't know if he really had a choice. Sharon had said he did, but he wasn't so sure.

By the time they had finished dinner and he did his homework it was late, and Sharon sent him off to bed. He was changed into his pajamas, lying in bed when he heard her on the phone. It was late, so that probably meant work. He didn't want her to leave tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the week had been pretty routine and normal. Sharon was letting him drive to school again, and his mother hadn't thrown any more surprises his way. They hadn't seen each other anymore, but they had talked on the phone and texted some. She wanted to have him stay the night with her one night this weekend, but he didn't know if he wanted that yet. He was sitting in Sharon's office now waiting for her to get back from Chief Taylor's office. The team was starting to disperse and they were discussing their plans for the weekend. He wondered why they even bothered with plans sometimes because there was a good chance that they would be called in for a murder. He just shook his head at his own thoughts and turned back to his notebook.

A few minutes later he heard the click of her heels down the hall and he threw his stuff in his bag and stood up. He was hoping that they could just leave when she got back. He watched as she came through the door of Major Crimes. She hadn't noticed him yet. She ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath before she was visible to the team. As she came into sight, she smiled at them and told them to have a good weekend, and with that they all started to scatter. As she turned for her office she noticed him and there was just the briefest pause in her step as her face completely changed. In the blink of an eye she had gone from the Captain to Sharon. He had spent plenty of time watching her and the team over the past year, but he never got tired of it. As she came into the office she said, "Hey when did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago. I thought that maybe we could go out to dinner?" She was sitting behind her desk now straightening up. He took that as a good sign. She hardly ever left things a mess.

"I think that would be a good idea. How was your day?"

"You know it was school, nothing new really." He didn't really have anything to say about school because he hadn't been able to focus all day. He had been trying to figure out what to do about the situation with his mom. Sharon had told him that it was all up to him. That was what she had been telling from the beginning, but it was a big decision and things didn't feel right.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked bringing him out of his thoughts.

"I was wondering…" he paused noticing she was ready to go, "you know what it's nothing. Are you ready?"

"Let's go," she said shutting off the lights behind them.

* * *

><p>She had been pleasantly surprised to see Rusty sitting in her office. She thought that he would have gone home after school, but she was sure he was here for a reason. Either way she was glad to have him with her. As she followed him to the restaurant she found herself trying to figure out what he had been about to ask her when he said, "I was wondering…" but he hadn't finished the sentence. She knew at least what the general subject was. Sharon Beck. That was where most of their conversations had ended up recently. Tonight though she was going to get a handle on where this was all going. The court date was approaching, and she had no idea still what Rusty really wanted to do. If he wanted to go with his mother she wasn't going to stand in the way even though it was going to rip her apart. The thought brought tears to her eyes, but they were pulling into the restaurant and this wasn't the time or place for her to fall apart. That would be later when she was alone in her room, possibly with a glass of wine.<p>

Rusty was already out of his car and walking towards her when she parked. She wiped away the stray tear and climbed out of the car to join him. They were at a place that she knew he didn't really like, and that meant that they had come here for her benefit.

"I am surprised that you picked this place," she said.

"It's not that bad, and they have that one thing that I like." He half-smiled at her, and she smiled back letting him lead the way inside.

Inside she shrugged out of her jacket and sat down on her side of the table. He was fidgeting with his napkin. She knew there was something weighing on him, and she prayed that he would let her in on it tonight. They still had to discuss whether or not he was going with his mother tomorrow night or not too. Their waiter took their order and headed off to get the drinks. She figured she would need to start the conversation, but he surprised her.

"She's hiding something from me, and like I know you probably know that. I don't think it's drugs, but I don't know what else to think. That's always been the problem before." His face had turned serious, and he was speaking in statements instead of questions. She had learned early on that when he wasn't asking questions and he was stating facts that she had to tread very lightly.

She used her most casual tone picking up her glass in the process, "What makes you think she is hiding something?"

"Because she won't answer my questions about where she was or why she is here, and she just wants to talk mainly about when I might stay with her. It's just…weird."

"Maybe she's still trying to find the right words."

She waited while he considered those words. It amazed her the strides he had taken this past year. He had gone from the combative, skeptical teenager to a mature and considerate young man. "Sometimes it's hard to talk about things that we did, you know?" She knew that was probably pushing the line, but if he really wanted to get into his mom's head then he needed to go in the right direction. No matter how much it pained her she would help him down the right path.

"I know what you're saying Sharon, but this is different."

All she had to do was hum and he rolled his eyes. He changed the subject when their food got there. They were about to leave when his face went pale and his expression fell. Something was wrong. She looked where his gaze was, and across the restaurant there was a couple sitting closely together on the same side of the booth. She was giggling and he was running a hand up her leg. The sight of it made Sharon kind of sick as well, but when she looked closer at the woman she knew what the problem was. She had seen pictures of Sharon Beck in the files, but she looked so much more like Rusty in person. She immediately turned back to Rusty. He hadn't dropped his gaze but he looked so miserable. She wanted to reach out to him to try to break his stare, but she knew that was a bad idea.

"Rusty," she said in a very low voice, "Rusty look at me."

He looked at her with a frantic look in his eyes. "It's ok, take a minute and breathe." When there was some color coming back she said, "What just happened?" He took a drink of water. She could tell he was trying to just focus on her.

"That g-guy she is with he's the guy that I was telling you about."

She had already come to that conclusion herself, but she nodded and tried to reassure him. "It's fine I'm right here." He was almost trembling and she wondered what horrible things this man had done to him to evoke this kind of reaction. On second thought she didn't want to know; she wanted to shoot the man. He had seen other people from his past, but he had never flipped out like this; although none of them had been with his mom either. She needed to get him out of there.

"Are you ready to leave?" she asked quietly.

He had shifted his focus back to them, and she turned to look. They were basically making out over there; the sight would sicken anyone. He was nodding his head now that he wanted to go. She stood first blocking him from their view while he stood and turned to go. She made sure to continue to block the view as they exited. She wished they had ridden together, and she was tempted to just leave the Volvo here for the night, but she didn't want him to have to get up early if she was called into work. They walked to the cars in silence. "Are you ok to drive?" she asked before he opened the door.

"Yeah Sharon I am fine. I'm sorry about that in there."

She shook her head, "Honey, you have nothing to be sorry for. I will follow you home if you really think you are ok to drive." She glanced back towards the restaurant almost involuntarily just to be sure they were still inside.

"I'm good Sharon…really." She was at least somewhat satisfied with that answer.

* * *

><p>As soon as he got in the car he hit the steering wheel. <em>'Why did I do that!? What the hell,' he thought. <em>He had seen people from his time on the streets before and he hadn't acted so crazy. _That man_ though, was all over his mom. How could he do that after the things he had done to Rusty? Then it struck him, did the man know that Rusty was her son? Did he know that the boy he had done those things to was her son? _'Shit.'_ He pulled out of the parking lot still wondering what Sharon could possibly think about him. He had never told her about all the things from his past, and now here he was freaking out in public, probably embarrassing her. She probably wanted him to go live with his mother.

He hit the steering wheel again as he drove, Sharon didn't want to get rid of him. She had made that clear when his father had pulled his crap. How could he accuse her of that again? None of this was her fault, but most of all she had never asked to be part of this situation. She had already done so much for him. He had always known that he would have to leave her someday, but now reality sucked. He didn't want to leave.

* * *

><p>Sharon was following Rusty home, and she had come to one conclusion. It was time for her to meet Sharon Beck. She wanted to look this woman in the eyes; she wanted to look the woman who could keep hurting her <em>son<em> like this in the eyes and see what excuse she had.


	4. Chapter 4

She was lying in bed replaying the restaurant scene over in her head. The image of all the color draining from Rusty's face was haunting her. They had talked when they got back to the condo, but it mainly consisted of her trying to reassure him that he had not embarrassed her. She had sent him off to bed because she knew the conversation was going nowhere productive and he look exhausted. Now sleep was eluding her even though she was so drained. She decided to make a cup of tea hoping that would bring sleep. She was thankful that tomorrow was Saturday and God willing she would have the day off. She padded to the kitchen silently, avoiding the creaky spot in the hallway, and then she put the kettle on the stove. She gathered the supplies and waited for the water. Just before it started to hiss she pulled it off and poured the water in the cup.

There was a noise that stopped her dead in her tracks. She set the cup down and listened. There it was again. This time the sound registered, it was Rusty. She hadn't heard it in so long. He was dreaming, no more like having a nightmare. She moved quickly down the hall abandoning her tea on the counter. She stood outside his door for a minute listening, and decided to go inside. She pushed the door open and moved to the bed. He wasn't thrashing around, but he his covers were a mess, meaning that at some point he had been. Now he was saying, "Get off me," over and over. When he had come to live with her he had nightmares for the first few months, and then they had slowly dissipated. She had found it comforting that he had finally relaxed and felt safe in her home, in their home. But here they were again.

She knew that if she woke him up he would panic and he would be embarrassed all over again. After the night they had that was the last thing she wanted. She knelt down and slowly put her hand on his back. She just held it there for a minute and then slowly rubbed tiny, soft circles. He quieted after a few minutes and seemed to fall back into a deeper sleep. She went from kneeling to sitting next to his bed. She let her back lean against the bed listening to his breathing. She envied his ability to sleep, but she was glad that he was nonetheless.

She had spent many hours in her other kid's rooms at night, but for totally different reasons. It was her therapy after a long day that usually went into the night because of work. When her fellow officers despised her every action she found it soothing to come home to her children even if they were in bed already. She would watch their sleeping forms for a few minutes relishing in the fact that they were with her, and that they were safe.

She started to get up when he changed positions and started mumbling. She stayed still, waiting to make sure he was sleeping soundly. When she was satisfied she made her way out closing the door quietly. She went back to bed, leaving the tea in the kitchen. She didn't need it anymore.

* * *

><p>He woke up early and groaned because it was Saturday, the one day that he was able to sleep in. He rolled out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. He didn't hear Sharon up yet, and that surprised him, she was always up before him unless she got in super late. As he came into the kitchen he noticed the teacup sitting on the cabinet, bag still in it, and the kettle sitting on the counter. Sharon had made tea last night, but she just left it. This was odd for two reasons; one she didn't leave messes, and two why would she make tea and not take a single sip.<p>

He came to the conclusion that something had interrupted her, and then panic set in, did she leave for work and not tell him? Was she even still here? He headed down the hall stopping outside her door. There were no noises, he pushed the door open a tiny bit, he hardly ever went in her room, but he needed to know. Once the door was open enough he saw her sleeping form in bed. _'Good,' he thought. _He closed the door with only a tiny click. Sharon worked too hard, too many hours, and she had to deal with him too; she deserved to sleep.

He headed back to the kitchen he started the coffee, cleaned up the teacup, and then he opened the fridge to see what they could have for breakfast. While he was reaching for eggs he heard his phone go off in his bedroom. He basically ran down the hall trying to shut it off before it woke Sharon up. It was his mom. "Hello," he answered hurriedly shutting his door.

"Good morning honey, did I wake you?"

"No, I was making coffee."

"Oh…well good. I was wondering if you had made a decision about tonight yet?"

"I want to mom, but I won't if that man from the play is going to be around." He couldn't handle that, but he needed to find out what it was his mom wanted from him. The only way he knew to do that was to go stay with her. Sharon had told him she would fight for him, but he didn't want her to have to. He wanted to help her.

"Just you and me. So I can count on spending the night with you then, right?"

"Yeah mom, sure, but you have to come here to get me." He knew Sharon wanted to meet his mother, and if he was going to go over there he figured he would just get it over with.

"That's not a problem just send me the address. How does 3 o'clock sound?" she asked.

"I will send you the address, see you then." He hung up before she could say anything else. Now he just needed to get Sharon onboard, and convince her that he could handle this. He heard the bathroom door close, and that brought him back to reality, Sharon was awake. He ran back to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>She had woken up to Rusty running down the hall. She laid there wondering what in the world was going on and then the noise before the running had registered, his phone. She rolled over and looked at the clock, it was only 7AM, way too early for him to be up and <em>active.<em> She got out of bed to make sure that everything was all right; grabbing her robe on the way out the door she walked down the hall to his room. The door was closed, but she could hear him talking. She just caught words here and there, but she got the gist of it. She didn't want to be caught outside his door so she made her presence known by going into the bathroom and closing the door pretty loudly.

Tonight was going to be tough. Rusty hadn't told her that he was going yet, but she knew what his answer was going to be. She had hoped after last night he would change his mind and give it a little more time. Things were feeling rushed. He was slipping away. There was a side of her that was happy for him because who didn't want to be close to their mother, but the other side of her, the mom side, knew that things were complicated and there was a good chance things would go downhill. How many times had Sharon Beck disappointed him? She knew it was only a matter of time before it happened again.

As she entered the kitchen he was busy chopping something. She came up behind him softly laying a hand on his shoulder looking over to see what he was busy with. To her surprise he didn't jump at her touch, he just smiled and said, "Hey."

"You're up early," she said moving to the coffee pot to pour a cup.

"Yeah I had weird dreams, and then I just woke up and decided to stay up. Do you want onion?"

"I would thank you. Do you still want to go get those shoes today?" She was trying her best to be casual, and if she brought up plans then he would be forced to talk about tonight.

He had his back to her, but she saw him tense up and she felt a little guilty for doing that to him. She had thought that maybe it would ease the conversation and he wouldn't feel the need to try to find a way into the subject.

He flipped the omelet in the pan and turned to face her. "Yeah if you are up to it, but uh, what time do you think we will be back?"

"If we need to be back for something then we can be." She raised an eyebrow questioning him. He turned back to the stove and flipped the omelet out onto a plate. He brought it over to her at the table along with his. They just sat there looking at each other for a minute.

"Ok so like I, uh, I am going to go stay with my mom tonight-I told her she could pick me up here around three. I wanted her to come here so you could like meet her, and maybe you would see that she isn't a bad person. She's not a bad person Sharon she just has had some bad times. Is it ok that I asked her to pick me up here?"

His face was so unsure and he was now just pushing his food around his place avoiding her gaze. She hated what this was doing to him. "I would like to meet her, I am glad that you are ready for that." She smiled at him reassuringly, and she thought that there was a flicker of hope across his face. "Rusty, you know I am on your side I wouldn't embarrass you. You know that right?"

"Of course I do Sharon, I always know that." He finally took a bite, and she thought that was a good sign.

* * *

><p>There were things about Sharon that he would probably never understand, and today was just one more example of that. He had told her that he was going to stay with his mom and her response was to take him and buy him the shoes he had been wanting. His other ones were still in good condition, but he had mentioned that he saw some he liked last week and she just took him and got them for him today. He had told her that he invited his mom to the condo, and she said she was glad.<p>

He didn't think that she was just trying extra hard to keep him liking her. That was just how she was. She wanted to take care of him. He had told her that he thought his mom was hiding something, and she had told him that he should try to listen and understand that she was maybe still looking for the right words. Sharon, was someone that always surprised him. In the beginning he had basically screamed that he hated her, and she had pulled him closer. She had managed to break down a wall down and wiggle her way in. He loved her, but he had never told her.

Now he was in his room getting ready to go with his mom, and all he felt was fear. It was the kind of fear that he had felt every time he went to a new foster home. It was the thought that maybe it would be better this time, but knowing in the pit of his stomach that it probably wouldn't be.

He looked at the clock 2:30, she would be getting there soon…maybe. He had his bag packed and he was ready to go, but he wasn't ready to leave his room. Then there it was, a tiny knock on his door. He knew he should've already gone out to talk to her. "Come in," he said.

She opened the door and stood leaning in the doorframe just giving him that look, the one that was reserved for him. It was the one that brought a pain to his chest sometimes. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, I was on my way out there." It wasn't a lie really because he was going to have to come out there eventually.

"Hmm." He hated the hums sometimes. He stood up to grab his bag, but she stepped closer and he froze. She was about to say something when he did something that surprised himself. He hugged her. It was awkward at first and he was tense, but when she wrapped her arms around him he relaxed. It felt right. She didn't let go, she just squeezed tighter and whispered, "Whatever happens, I will be here." All he could do was shake his head. He started to let go and she slid her hands to his shoulders. Her eyes told him what he needed to hear. She loved him. She turned and left him standing there waiting for him to follow her.

He grabbed his bag and headed to the living room, and on his way, there was a knock on the door. He quickened his step. Sharon was waiting by the door for him to get in there. He set down his bag and she answered the door.

* * *

><p>She had years of experience hiding her emotions, schooling her voice and her facial expressions, and dealing with the scum of the earth. She had told herself that Sharon Beck would be no problem, but suddenly she was a little nervous. She opened the door and there she was standing there on her doorstep. The moment she had dreaded for so long now. She forced herself to smile and invite her in.<p>

"Thank you," Sharon Beck said stepping inside.

She was looking around the apartment, and suddenly Rusty looked very uncomfortable. "Did you have any trouble finding the place?" That was just about the lamest thing that she could've said.

"No Rusty gave me good directions."

"Good," she said moving further into the living room, "Rusty said that you guys have plans to maybe go to a movie later."

"Look _Captain_ you don't have to play nice with me. In fact…"

"Mom!" Rusty stepped between them. She put her hand on his shoulder instinctively, but dropped it seconds later.

"It's ok Rusty, Ms. Beck I was simply trying to be civil."

"You've given Rusty a nice place and all, but there is something you should remember. I am his mother."

"Mom, Sharon has just been helping me out since you left me!"

"We should get going. I need to stop and get my paycheck before we head home."

Rusty was in shock. He had a look of almost horror on his face. She hadn't truly expected his mother to act this way right up front, but she always knew there was a chance. The things she wanted to do to this woman right now, but no she couldn't think about that right now. She needed to get Rusty alone, and give him an out if he wanted to take it.

"Rusty come get those snacks you wanted to take, excuse us for one second Ms. Beck." She tugged on Rusty's arm.

When they got in the kitchen she grabbed a bag and threw some food in it quickly to keep up the act. She was surprised when she heard the smallest voice he had ever used say, "Sharon I am so sorry."

"Honey, do not apologize. Do you want to go because I can stop all of this?" She wanted so bad to just go give _Ms. Beck_ a piece of her mind and call this whole little get-together off. It wasn't her call though she had told Rusty he was in control, but there was a point where she was still the adult and he was the child.

"She's like Daniel, and she wants something Sharon. I know what you said before, but I know when people want something."

"You coming?" his mother yelled from the living room.

"You don't have to be brave with me. I know you want to do this your way…" He interrupted, "I will be safe. I want to go, let me do this."

This kid was going to be the death of her.

"RUSTY LET'S GO!"

He shook his head. "Ok I'm coming." He grabbed the bag of food and started walking, but he turned back to her, "I love you Sharon." He was gone around the corner before she could even register what just happened.

She quickly recovered and caught him as he was about the leave, "I love you too." He smiled and then they were gone.

'_Why did I let him walk out that door?' _


	5. Chapter 5

She found herself pacing back and forth, up and down the hallway. He said he was just going to find out what she wanted, but it was so much more than that. He was putting himself back in a situation that was unsafe, unkind, and most of all heartbreaking. She didn't like this one bit.

She was just the "foster parent" though, and the judge had ruled his mother could have an overnight, unsupervised visit. Cynthia had tried to persuade the judge otherwise, but courts nine times out of ten ruled with the biological parent, especially if they were drug free and in a stable environment. That was the problem though, Sharon Beck was stable one minute and gone the next.

Her phone was ringing in the living room and she walked quickly to it hoping it was Rusty, but was severely disappointed when she saw the name. Chief Taylor.

"Captain Raydor," she answered coldly.

"Captain hope I'm not interrupting your afternoon, but I need your team on a case robbery-homicide caught."

"Why us?" She didn't want to bring her team in if she didn't have to.

"I'll brief you when you get here. Call 'em in Captain." He hung up and she didn't even have a chance to come up with a remark.

'_Great.'_

* * *

><p>They had made like six stops and this was about to be the seventh. Every time he asked her why she was stopping and she always made up some lame excuse.<p>

"_I just need to ask her something."_

"_He has something of mine."_

"_This is to get my paycheck."_

It just went on and on. Finally he said, "I'm hungry can we eat after this?"

"Sure this is the last stop, promise."

He was going to ask, but she was just going to lie to him. He didn't want to think about what was going on. Maybe she had gone from junkie to dealer. If he found out that was true, he was gone and she would never see him again. He thought about texting Sharon to let her know he was ok, but she might ask what they were doing or something. She worried about him too much. He didn't want to have to lie to her.

She got back in the car, and she didn't say anything. She was doing something bad and he knew it. "Mom, why did you want me to come stay with you if all we were going to do is… _run errands?_"

"Some things just came up don't worry I'm done now. We will eat, and then we can do what you want. Ok?"

"Sure."

He should've let Sharon stop him from leaving.

* * *

><p>She was sitting in her office waiting for her team to get back from running down some leads. She had thought about going with them just to get out of her own head, but she had decided to let Provenza run the field like he seemed to enjoy. They had figured out a good routine. She handled the office, the brass, and the majority of the paperwork while he got to command the team at crime scenes and what not, except on special occasions. He enjoyed getting to boss people around.<p>

Two double homicides in two days that seemed to be related. They might be gone for a while. There were interviews to do, witnesses to find, evidence to process, phone records, and the list went on and on. Sometimes the job could be overwhelming and yet they all came back each and everyday to do the job.

She would have to smooth things back over with robbery-homicide for taking over the case; more like being thrown the case, but it would be all the same to them. She had been trying to build back up good relationships with the other departments after her predecessor had destroyed them. As she reached for the file to read again and familiarize herself, she had to admit that she wasn't able to concentrate earlier on it, but then her phone rang. It was just going to be one of those days that she had to push everything out of her head, put up the walls, and do her job like the pro she was.

* * *

><p>The couch was uncomfortable, but he had slept on worse. At dinner he had asked his mother what was really going on, and her answer had surprised him; not because of her actual answer, but the fact that she had told him the truth. She had said that she owed some people some money, and she was selling <em>stuff<em> for them to pay them back. She said it was a one-time thing, but he had his doubts. He had wanted to split the second she told him, but he would have to tell Sharon why he was home and he was so not ready for that conversation. He knew they would have to have it but not tonight. Tonight he would just deal.

He couldn't sleep though, he had been laying there for over an hour, and he just kept having memories he didn't want to think about pop up.

_He came home from school to find his mom wasted, no surprise, and her asshole boyfriend was in the kitchen. He decided to just head for his room, but Gary caught him in the hall. "Hey kid, you're late, and your mom told you to get the milk. Where the hell is the milk?"_

"_She didn't tell me to get milk, plus I don't have any money." He didn't. They didn't have any money because they spent it all on drugs. He was lucky if he ate three meals a day, and now Gary wanted to get on his case about milk._

"_She did too you little bastard." Gary was drunk. Surprise. Surprise._

"_Whatever man." Rusty just tried to shrug it off and go to his room, but Gary had other plans. Before he knew it he was slammed up against the wall and getting punched in the stomach. He tried to fight back, but he just wasn't big enough or strong enough. _

That night he had gotten a broken rib, and probably a concussion. It wasn't like anyone had taken him to the doctor or anything, but it had hurt horribly. There had been a lot of bad times with his mom, but there were some good ones too he was just having a harder time remembering them.

His mom came out of her room as he was turning over trying to get comfortable. "Having trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah."

"Me too. You wanna take a ride with me?"

"More _errands_?"

"No, remember when we used to drive to that cliff, and look at the stars. It's the only place in the city you can see them clearly. Y-you used to love that place." She half-smiled at him when she said the last part.

Maybe she was trying after all.

"Yeah sure, let's go." He got up and started putting on his shoes while she disappeared back to her room. His phone started buzzing, it was Sharon texting him. _You awake?_ He looked at the time it was almost midnight, and if she was texting him it meant they had caught a case. He decided to call her really quickly. He moved toward the door, further away from his mom.

"Hey, I didn't wake you did I?" He could hear movement in the background and muted voices. She was at work.

"No, I was just reading. How's your case going?" he asked trying to seem like everything was just normal.

"Slowly. How is it going with you?" He could hear his mom rustling around; he didn't have much time.

"I don't know, it's just…" he didn't have a word for it. He heard someone say Captain in the background, and he knew she was about to have to go. "Sharon don't worry about me, just go catch your bad guy."

"Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow," her voice was low and apologetic.

"Good night Sharon." She was gone, probably off to catch a killer.

He worried about her, he knew of course that she stayed in the office most of the time, but there were times that she went out to get the bad guy, and he knew officers got hurt. In the beginning he never thought about things like that, but things had changed. His mom was walking toward him now and she was ready to go. They walked out in silence. Maybe things would get easier with them, and if he had to come live with her, Sharon would still visit him, and maybe things would be ok. Plus, he would be eighteen soon.


	6. Chapter 6

She came in the door and she wanted to collapse. She was exhausted, her feet hurt, and she had just spent the night with the team running down leads to no avail. They were taking turns rotating out to go home shower, change clothes, eat, and maybe grab a nap. She had been the last to take her turn. It was now 10 in the morning, and she thought to herself that she was getting too old for this. She kicked off her heels. The condo seemed empty without Rusty here.

If she showered quick, she would be able to sleep for about an hour before she had to go back. She hoped that someone in the team would have slept long enough to come up with a new direction to take in the case because right now they had nothing. She moved to her room. Rusty should be awake, but she told herself she wasn't going to call him. Last night she had caved to the pressure and texted him, but he had seemed ok, not great, but ok. He would be home today sometime, and she would talk to him then, that was if they could solve this case.

She woke up to her phone ringing, she groaned while reaching for it and her glasses. It was weird, but she could swear that she could hear better with them on. "Captain Raydor."

"Captain, uh, sorry to wake you, but I think we've got something," Provenza said. She rolled over looking at the clock. _'Damn,' she thought._ It was noon, and she had slept through her alarm.

"What have we found Lieutenant?"

"Our suspects are two brothers. They've been arrested multiple times for breaking and entering. Flynn, Sanchez, and Sikes are gone with SIS to bring them in."

"Ok Lieutenant I will be there shortly." She was already up and moving towards the closet.

"You know Captain, we can handle this part if you need to be home right now."

She almost laughed. She didn't want to be here alone.

"I'll see you shortly Lieutenant," she said softly hanging up the phone. She shook her head and got ready.

/

SIS and her team had their suspects in custody, and one of them had started talking the minute she mentioned a deal. It had shocked her; a pair of brothers in her experience were usually a little harder to break than that. She wasn't about to start complaining though. All that was left were final reports, and she had decided that since it was 6 o'clock on a Sunday that the paperwork could wait, and she sent them home. On her drive home she had tried to call Rusty, but he didn't answer. She hadn't heard from him since last night; he hadn't even returned her text she sent after making it back to the office. It wasn't like him. She tried calling again, but it went straight to voicemail.

That feeling was back, the feeling in the pit of her stomach, the one that she hated so much. She had always been worried about Ricky and Emily, but she had completely different worries about Rusty. Something was wrong and she knew it. She had known it from the lack of response from her text five hours ago, but the Chief had been breathing down her neck to close the case, and she told herself that she was giving him space but he always texted her back. It was a deal that they had made early on; even if he couldn't call her back he could send a text it took five seconds.

She turned her car around and headed to Sharon Beck's apartment. She had every right to check up on him. It took almost forty-five minutes to make it across town, that much traffic on a Sunday was ridiculous. As she pulled up she looked for the car she had seen them in, and it was nowhere to be found. This wasn't the best neighborhood but it wasn't the worst either, and it pained her to think that Rusty was back in this situation. She got out, and walked to the door, but it was cracked open, not a good sign. She reached for her gun drawing it out slowly while pushing the door open. She yelled to see if anyone was inside, but there was no response. She proceeded slowly through the apartment. It looked like Sharon Beck had packed up and moved out. There was nothing, but the furniture in the apartment. After she made sure she was alone she checked the drawers and closet. Nothing. She was gone. Rusty was gone. They were gone.

The thought almost brought her to her knees. She had to find him. She could feel tears in her eyes, and she tried to shake them away, but they wouldn't go away. There was a lump in her throat, and she was beginning to feel light-headed. She tried to holster her gun, but her hands were shaking. She had failed him. She had let him go off with a person who was supposed to love and protect him and he was gone. This time he wouldn't be waiting for her in the apartment when she got home. He wouldn't have left without saying good-bye, and she knew that. He had just told her that he loved her before he walked out the door last night. He was gone, and she had to find him. Her mind was racing with a thousand thoughts, but that was at the forefront; she had to find him. She retraced her steps out of the apartment, pulling out her phone. Provenza didn't answer. She tried Andy next.

"Flynn," he sounded tired, possibly he had been asleep.

"Andy he's gone. I don't know where. It's empty." She knew she wasn't making any sense, and she didn't know why all of a sudden she was losing it. _'Keep it together,' she told herself._

"Sharon slow down, what's going on?"

She took a breath, "Rusty. He's gone." It was all she could say. Her voice was shaking with just those three little words.

"What do you mean he's gone Sharon, I thought he was with his mom." She was growing to hate that word in reference to that woman. "Sharon, where are you?"

"Her apartment, and it's empty. The door was open, and I went in. It's empty." She was crying now.

"Stay there. Don't move. I'm coming." She could hear him moving around rather hurriedly. "Sharon," no answer, "Sharon, we'll find him. I'm on my way."

She just hung up the phone. She couldn't say anything else. She knew she should probably go find a neighbor, see if someone saw something, but Andy's words sounded good right now. She would stay put. She needed her team.

Her phone rang, it was Provenza. "Hello," she said trying to stay calm.

"I was in the shower when you called. Please tell me we haven't caught another one." She was about to say something when he said, "Flynn's calling…I'll call him back."

"Take the call Lieutenant," it came out colder than she wanted but he would understand.

"Ok," he said with a questioning tone. When he clicked over, she hung up. She went to her car. She couldn't just stand there in front of the apartment looking at it any longer. Andy would be there soon. They would all be there soon.

* * *

><p>He had never heard her frantic, and it was unsettling to say the least. Even when he had lost the kid at the bus station she had kept her cool, only tearing up right before she walked out the door. Most of all, she had never blamed him, but he knew right now she would be blaming herself. Every since Rusty's mom had shown up Sharon had been off. She had been tense and colder, and he knew that she was feeling like she was losing the kid. She had grown attached, even loved the kid, hell they all had grown attached.<p>

He was lights and sirens running through town. He wanted to be there first. He and Sharon had become close friends lately, and he thought that she might need him as more than just Lieutenant Flynn right now.

He rounded the corner and flipped off the siren. She was sitting in her car with her head in her hands, and he thought maybe she was shaking a little which meant she was crying. Not a good sign. He got out of the car and walked towards her, she didn't look up, and he didn't want to scare her so he lightly tapped on the window. She wiped her eyes before she looked at him and opened the door. Even when she cried she was beautiful. He had no idea how after a 40 hour workday and a major ordeal involving one of her kids and she still managed to stun him. They had been to dinner he couldn't even count how many times, but he knew that for now they could only be friends.

When she stepped out of the car, it was instinct he wrapped his arms around her, and to his surprise she practically fell into them. It was nothing more than being there for a friend. He knew that when the team got there she would have a brave face on, but he felt honored to be able to see this side of her. He felt her take a deep breath, "He's gone Andy," the words were shaky and low.

"He wouldn't leave you willingly, Sharon." She needed to hear it even though it confirmed that something awful had gone down.

She took another deep breath and then she pulled back and he let go. "Sharon, we will…" she cut him off, "Don't. Not now." She was just trying to pull herself together before everyone got there. He could respect that.

"This the apartment?" he said pointing in the general direction. She nodded. "I'm going to take a look." He thought she needed another second alone.

The apartment was empty, she had been right; they were definitely gone. He heard another car pull up, and he headed outside. It was time for them to get to work…again.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been 48 hours since they had started their search for Rusty, everyone was exhausted, and they were doing him no good. He had started sending people home in 8-hour shifts. Taylor had been an ass as usual, and the Captain, well she was a wreck. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping, and she was blaming her self every step of the way. It didn't matter how he told her or how many times she wouldn't listen. He had demanded that she go home, but when she had refused he had moved a cot into her office and refused to leave until she at least laid down.

When she had fallen asleep he had quietly left her; that was two hours ago. The woman had hardly slept in 60 something hours, and at their age, hell at any age that was unacceptable.

"Provenza," Tao yelled down the hall from electronics getting his attention.

"Yeah Mike, what do you have?"

"A caller says that Sharon Beck is sitting in a restaurant a few tables away from her in Santa Monica."

"Is she sure?"

"She texted me a picture, it's her."

"Alright roll everyone there, send patrol, and get Cooper standing by with SIS incase we get a location on Rusty."

The first good news they had received, and he almost wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. They had put her picture out to the media, along with Rusty's, and to no surprise they had multiple sightings but all false. They had run every lead down possible, questioned every neighbor, tracked cellphones, the whole shebang and nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Sharon Beck was a real piece of work.

Time to wake the Captain. _'Where's Flynn?' he thought._

* * *

><p>He was still groggy, and trying to wakeup but it was really hard. It felt like he had been drugged. He was cold and pretty sure it was blood he felt all over his face. He thought he was in some sort of box, and he was moving. He was probably inside a truck or something because the ride was bumpy.<p>

He tried to kick the box, but he didn't have enough room to get a good kick in. He was stuck.

He didn't know where he was, but he sort of remembered how he got there. He had gone with his mom up to that cliff to look at the stars. While they were up there the same asshole from the play came walking up, and when Rusty told him to get lost the guy hit him with something. Before he had a chance to get up something stabbed him in the neck. That was all he could remember. He kicked the box again in frustration.

The more he thought about it the more he felt like his mother had set him up. His own damn mother had set him up. If he wasn't so pissed right now he could cry. Sharon was going to kill him herself when she found him. She told him she would come for him and it didn't matter where he was. She had promised him, and Sharon never broke her promise.

He just hoped that she would find him in time because where he was going inside this box was not a good place.

* * *

><p>She had been woken up to Andy touching her hand, and telling her it was ok. It took a minute to get her bearings. She was in her office, and that was good she remembered being there. She rubbed her face with both hands before looking back at Andy. "Tell me you didn't let me sleep all day," she joked. She was exhausted, and it took a few minutes before the events of the past few days came flooding back into her head. The knot in her stomach came back with it. Andy was just holding her hand waiting for her to become fully conscious.<p>

"What happened?" It hit her that they must have something because they had all been so insistent that she get some sleep. She had been grateful because five more minutes and she might have collapsed.

"A solid tip from the line, Sharon Beck is at a restaurant in Santa Monica. Everyone is rolling out, SIS, and patrol too."

She sat up looking for her shoes, she was going with them, "I'm going with them," her voice came out flat.

"No you're not. Sharon look," she stood up and he grabbed her arm lightly tugging for her to sit back, "you are the _mother_ of the kid who was taken. You can't go, you know that if something happens a defense attorney would tear the case apart because of it."

She looked coldly at him, "I am also the head of the Major Crimes Division of the LAPD, it is my job to go."

"Rusty isn't with her." His words hit her like a brick wall. She blinked back the tears.

"I promised him Andy…I promised him." She leaned forward putting her head in her hands. She felt helpless.

"I know Sharon, and he knows you are coming for him. Just let us do our jobs. Let us go get her, and then we will have more answers."

She didn't have a response to that. She knew that they were the best, but she also didn't know how to take the backseat. He stood up taking the hint that she didn't want to talk. Before he left he said, "We are going to get the kid back."

She threw herself back down onto the cot. She knew they would get him back, but she wanted to be sure that he was alive when they did. When Sharon Beck got there they were going to have a nice little chat.

/

Sitting in the electronics room staring at Ms. Beck through the monitors her blood began to boil. She hated not being able to interview this woman, but she would get her turn once they had what they needed from her. It had been two days since he went missing, and she could only imagine the things that he was having to endure.

The woman was sitting across from Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza giving them a look that could only be described as pure evil. From the moment she had entered Major Crimes she had been screaming "this is unfair," "you have no right," and so on, but they had every right and it disgusted the Captain to even think she could speak those words. Now they were having a staring contest.

She heard Andy try to get the conversation going, "Look, here's the deal, we can get the DA took make cut you some slack, but we gotta know where Rusty is first."

She shrugged, "Maybe he ran off." The lieutenants looked at each other.

"When did he run off then?"

"Few nights ago. We were out driving around and he just ran off."

Provenza slammed his hand on the table. "Look lady you keep lying and I'm sending you upstate for child abandonment, endangering a minor, and whatever else I feel like. Got it!"

"Alright you get me a deal in writing saying I'm not going to prison over this and I'll tell you what you want to know."

Tao was already walking out of the room to go get Andrea. _'Rusty hold on.'_

She felt like she was watching a terrible nightmare unfold. Sharon Beck was a real piece of work. Andrea walked out of the room leaving just the three of them there again. The deal was more than she deserved, but she would've let the woman walk free if it got Rusty back.

"Alright you've got your deal, but as DDA Hobbs made clear the deal is contingent on getting Rusty back _alive._ So start talking," Provenza said.

"There was a man who found me in Vegas, and told me that if I got clean and could get Rusty alone long enough for him to talk to him that he would give me $25,000."

So that was what Rusty's life meant to her 25 grand. Provenza was just shaking his head when Flynn jumped in, "Who's the man?"

"He only ever told me his name was Tom, and he told me that if anyone asked we met in AA."

'_Oh my God,' Sharon thought. _It was the man Rusty was so afraid of in the restaurant. The one that was in the play his mother took him to. She grabbed the microphone from Buzz relaying what she knew to Andy.

He slightly nodded to her in the camera. "So this Tom guy he's an actor right?"

The face across from him went blank and she knew she had been right. "Yeah."

"Alright he said he wanted to talk to Rusty, what happened that it went from talking to kidnapping?"

"I took Rusty up to some cliffs we used to go to when he was little. He used to love staring up at the stars, and what kid doesn't dream about going into space, you know? So we went up there and I had changed my mind I wasn't going to let Tom take Rusty, but he had been following us I guess. Anyway he showed up and when he tried to talk to Rusty, Rusty said, 'Get lost man,' I guess that wasn't what Tom wanted to hear and he hit Rusty and umm…he knocked him out with some kind of drug." There were actually tears in her eyes, but Sharon found it hard to give the woman any sympathy. "I tried to stop him, but he told me that if I wanted to live I should just take the money and disappear. And he threw a bag at me. When they were gone I got in my car went back to my apartment, got my things, and tried to get away from there."

"Where was he taking him?" Andy demanded.

"I don't know…he just told me that a friend wanted to make sure he was taken care of." There was silence again, "But a few days ago he was on the phone and he said something about his attorney and a cabin…I really don't know."

The lieutenants weren't going to get anything else out of her right now, and they stood up to leave.

She should've listened to her gut and she should have listened to Rusty. She had seen that man with her own eyes. Rusty had told her the man was bad news, and she had told him to give his mother a chance. How could she have been so stupid? She had gone against everything she had ever been taught. She would never forgive herself if she didn't find him, or if she did and the unthinkable…


	8. Chapter 8

The condo was so cold and empty when she got home. She needed a shower, and she needed to sleep in a real bed. She hadn't been home in three days. Rusty had been gone for four. She knew the chances were slim after so long, but she had to believe because that small glimmer of hope was all that was keeping her together. She sank down on her bed about the time her phone rang. She didn't even bother to look at it.

"Captain Raydor."

"Mom, you sound horrible! Are you sick?" It was Emily.

"No I'm not sick sweetheart it's just been a long couple of days."

"A long couple of days? Mom, I saw it on the news. I-I am so sorry, are you ok?"

Great she had let the news tell her children the horrible story. She had meant to call them sooner, but she didn't know if she would be able to hold it together yet.

That theory proved true, because she started crying.

"I can be on the next flight out mom. You shouldn't be alone."

No she couldn't have them here. If they did get a solid lead on Rusty, she knew he wouldn't be in L.A. and she didn't want to leave them to go get him. "No honey, you don't need to come out here. I know your show starts soon and you have rehearsal."

"Quit thinking about me! I want to be there for you. Do you know anything yet?"

The words rang in her ears. They didn't know anything except the car Tom Harris drove, the apartment he lived in, and the fact that Stroh was his attorney when he got picked up for sexual battery of a minor. Just thinking about the charge made Sharon sick. Knowing the things he had done to that boy, and probably Rusty too, and then knowing that he had Rusty right now was horrifying.

"Very little," that was all she could say.

"Look mom, he's a tough kid, and he knows you are looking for him. Ok I won't come out there, but is there anything I can do?"

"Call your brother for me, I am exhausted."

"Yeah sure mom I can do that. Make sure you're eating ok?"

"Don't worry about me Emily. I will though. Call you later honey."

"Love you mom."

"Love you."

Great, now she wasn't just getting orders from her subordinates to eat and sleep but from her daughter as well. She rolled off her

* * *

><p>"Lieutenant," Sanchez said suddenly hanging up the phone, "Tim rented a truck four days ago, and the manager says the rental was for six days. The truck has a GPS," he shrugged, "the manager said they had a problem with theft. Anyway he says the truck is in Barstow."<p>

"Barstow?" Provenza questioned.

"Over a hundred miles," replied Sanchez.

"Flynn, call the Captain, tell her we will pick her up on the way. Sanchez call Barstow PD with those coordinates and tell them to watch the place, they don't make a move until we get there! Everyone else let's move!"

Finally something solid. They knew this guy would put some distance between here and wherever he went, but he really hadn't expected it to only be 100 miles. Thank God because he really wasn't sure how much longer the Captain could keep this up. She was brave in front of people, but the second she was alone she lost it. Earlier he had found her in the ladies room crying.

_He stood outside the door for ten minutes, and when she still hadn't emerged he took a deep breath and braced himself to be scolded for coming in there. The sight of her sitting on the ground, back against the wall with a red face almost made him rethink exactly what he was doing. _

_Choked words came from her mouth, "Yes, lieutenant?"_

"_Sharon," he pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her, "I know that anything I have to say isn't going to matter, so why don't you tell me what I can do."_

"_Find him," the words were cold. "I promised him I would always find him, and I'm failing." She was all out crying now. _

"_You're not failing him Sharon…"_

_She interrupted, "I want to talk to her."_

_He knew that was a very bad idea, but he would want to "talk" to the person who kidnapped his children or grandchildren too. "Alright…just talk."_

_He had helped her off the floor and given her a minute to pull herself together before he took her to see Sharon beck. It had been mostly a staring contest, but the Captain had shown restraint and put the woman in her place when it was all said and done. _

Now he was more concerned about what she would do to this guy when they got there.

* * *

><p>The ride had felt infinitely long, but it had given her time to go from upset and inconsolable to furious and anxious. She just prayed that Rusty was still alive, and God help this <em>Tim<em> guy if he wasn't. It was definitely a cabin, but it wasn't set very far back off the road. The local police department had done a good job setting a perimeter. As she got out of the car they were briefed and everyone was set. The truck had been checked and they were ready to make entry, but there was a loud bang inside and things got chaotic. Everyone started rushing the place, and before she knew it she was running towards the cabin.

She heard someone yell, "Captain!" She ran towards the voice.

The second she saw him she gasped, covering her mouth, while closing the distance. He wasn't moving and there was blood on his face and body. It wasn't until she knelt down beside him that she knew he wasn't dead. He was breathing, but it was shallow. She pulled his lifeless body off the ground and into her arms, "Rusty. Rusty can you hear me?" There was no response. Andy was yelling in the background for the EMTs to get in there. When they arrived, Andy pulled her back from Rusty and into his arms. She didn't want to be held back, she wanted to know if her son was ok. She pushed out of his arms taking a step back toward Rusty.

They were saying something about shallow breaths and a weak pulse while loading him on the stretcher. It was like she was living a nightmare, her worst nightmare. _'He's alive,' she tried to tell herself._ As he rolled past on that stretcher her stomach dropped. She walked with them to the ambulance. "Where are we going?" she asked the EMT. She relayed the information to Andy and jumped in the ambulance.

'_Please just let him be ok.'_

* * *

><p>His eyes felt heavy, and he was having trouble opening his eyes. He wasn't on the floor anymore, that much he knew. His left arm was killing him. Finally, he got his eyes open, and Sharon was sleeping in a chair next to his bed. Her head was lying on the bed and she was holding his right hand. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she looked exhausted. He was so happy to see her though. He tried to speak but his throat was dry. He tried again and it came out as a whisper, "Sharon." He squeezed her hand saying it again.<p>

Her head popped up looking at him. "Oh my God Rusty…it's ok, everything is ok." She was cradling his face with both hands now and tears were running down her face. He had never been so happy to have her next to him. He moved his arms around her even though is hurt like hell. She held on to him like she never wanted to let go. Finally she pulled back sitting back down. "I'm thirsty."

She grabbed a cup and helped him take a drink. "Sharon, I'm…"

"Honey don't," she shook her head sitting back down grabbing his hand again, "not yet."

The way she looked in that moment flipped his stomach. He hated what he did to her. If he hadn't pushed to go with his mom they wouldn't be…wherever it was they were. She didn't want to talk about it yet though. He was just so glad she found him. She never broke a promise.

He didn't know what to do she was holding her head in one hand and his hand in the other, and there were tears coming down. He did all he could think of, he scooted over to make room for her, and he pulled her hand. His entire body hurt, but to have her next to him, close enough to know they were both ok, was worth it.

Right before he fell asleep he heard her say, "I love you."

"I love you too Sharon."

* * *

><p>Walking into the condo with Rusty was what she considered a miracle. It was a relief and a huge weight off of her shoulders. Last night when he woke up she thought she was going to have a heart attack. The doctors had told her that the drug used to keep him sedated was dangerous, and continued use over that length of time was risky. There had been a brief second of doubt in her head that he wouldn't wake up; luckily Rusty was a fighter. He had walked away with only a few stitches in his head and some bruised ribs.<p>

She set down her purse and keys, and then looked at Rusty. He was standing by the couch just looking around. She started looking wondering if something was wrong, but everything looked in place to her. "What's wrong?" she asked moving closer to him.

"I just n-never thought I would see this place again."

"Well I am glad you're here." She put her hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He looked a little wobbly and she led him to the couch, but when he sat down he winced. He was still in pain, but she would be there to help him through the pain, emotional and physical both.

"Me too."

She put an arm around him, and they just sat there looking out the sliding glass door. She knew things would get better, and the weight slowly lifted off her shoulders as the day went on. She could breathe easier, and it seemed as though Rusty could too.

They ordered take out, she even made an exception and ate on the couch, while they watched a movie that involved a lot of zombies. Rusty had picked it. She would've watched anything that night as long as it meant he was with her and safe. Eventually he fell asleep with his feet in her lap and one arm hanging off the couch. She had no idea how that was comfortable, but she propped her feet up on the coffee table and let her head fall back. When the ridiculous movie ended she woke him up quietly saying his name, and led him to his room.

Tonight she would finally be able to sleep knowing he was safe in his bed.


End file.
